“Just fake it until you make it.”
Over the years I’ve heard this from training courses, coaches, motivational speakers and online memes. It’s the idea that if we act as if we are already that person, then we will trick our minds into getting there.
But, if you’ve ever tried this before, you’ll know that it can just leave you feeling more anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed.
If you just need a little nudge to get started, then it can be helpful. However in many cases, it can just make things worse…
People will tell you that you can do it, that it’s simple, that you just need to do x, y and z, and then you’ll be fine. But this can make the pressure even worst and leave you feel less confident to state your boundaries.
Say you really hate saying no to people. You struggle to set boundaries on your time, energy and resources, and tell yourself that if you say no to people then they will think badly of you, or be upset or angry, or maybe you value being helpful to others over your own needs.
If you do go ahead and fake it, the chances are that you won’t do it authentically because your subconscious mind still believes that you’re going to do something awful.
Although you can push through the process the best you can, your behaviours are likely to still come across as slightly ‘off’ or even fake. It’s not going to look or feel natural and authentic because there is a disconnect between the mask you’re projecting and how you truly feel inside.
So what can you do instead?
- Tap into the source of your fear. Explore the thoughts and feelings that come up, and where they have come from. What can you do to neutralise that fear in a way that feels comfortable for you?
- Lean on what is already within you. When have you overcome something similar before, and how did you do that? What can you use to help you here?
- Be curious about the situation, and ask yourself what else could be true?
- What is the intention behind what you want to do? Can you switch your focus to some part of it that feels more easeful instead?
- Get support to work through your fears. Going to see a coach or therapist is often the quickest way to do this. If this isn’t accessible to you right now, see if you can find a community or peer group for support to explore your fears and start making changes.
If you’d like some support from me, then get in touch for a chat about 1:1 sessions.
